Kissing Lemons - SOLD

8" x 10" oil on linen canvas

I have the cutest sugar bowl that is shaped like a fish.  I put that with my favorite vase of daisies  on my window seal with a lemon today for a still life painting and the name of the painting came to me immediately because it looked like the fish was kissing a lemon.  You know how people say if life gives you lemons then make lemonade?  That is such a cutesy little saying but when I was in the grips of desperation, fear and pain it made me want to scream.  I was in a place of codependency for several years, worrying every day about a situation that was totally out of control.  I tried to manipulate it, make it go away and pray it away.  Nothing worked.  Now according to Melodie Beatty, "a codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior." I was obsessed.

There is an opioid crisis in this country.  According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, drug overdose deaths, including those involving opioids, continue to increase in the United States.  Deaths from drug overdose are up among both men and women, all races, and adults of nearly all ages.  Two out of three drug overdose deaths involve an opioid.  Opioids are substances that work in the nervous system of the body or in specific receptors in the brain to reduce the intensity of pain.  Overdose deaths from opioids, including prescription opioids, heroin and synthetic opioids (like fentanyl) have increased almost six times since 1999.  

We might have a tendency to look at those who are drug addicts as unworthy or "losers".  Those who have no desire to have a better life.  But I have found that addiction affects people of all socio-economic status, ages and races and many of those want to change. 
 I recently listened to a Super Soul Sunday podcast by Oprah Winfrey when she interviewed Shaka Senghor.  This man wrote Righting My Wrongs.  I felt that a lot of what he said could be applicable to addict behavior. He had previously spent 19 years incarcerated for murder.  His story is that he feels all persons are worthy of redemption.  He said he came face to face with his worse moment when he received a letter of forgiveness from the family of the man he killed when he was 19 years old.  He could not forgive himself. He realized that forgiveness takes time and that it requires receiving forgiveness and giving forgiveness.  He said the second thing he learned was about authenticity.  Being real.  He told about being in solitary confinement and asking himself, "how did you come from being an honor roll student to being in a place where you are in solitary confinement.?"  He then received a letter from his young son who said, "Dad, Mom told me you are in prison for killing someone.  Please do not kill anyone Dad.  Jesus watches what you do."  He realized at that moment he did not want his son to see him as a monster.  He hit rock bottom.  He looked at his own life and worked his way back to health by writing and embracing his true self and the power of transformation.  In the world of AA and NA and ALAnon, we hear the phrase, "rock bottom" a lot.  It appears that many times to make a change in our lives we have to come to that place where we want to change.  Rock bottom - where there is nowhere to go but up.  We desire to be transformed.  

This week I was the speaker at a Celebrate Recovery group.  I am not an alcoholic or an addict.  I am that mother, that wife, that sibling, that significant other and that friend who went through hell with the addict.   I spoke as a codependent of a former drug addict.  My addict was so deep in the throws of addiction I did not see a way out except death unless there was a miracle.   In my talk I relayed the truth from my own life that I have learned through that experience.  Things I could not have learned without those horrible lemons that came into my life.  I found a health that I would not have found.  A truth that I now know, and that is,  I am the only person I can change.  I also know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God (Higher Power) that can perform miracles.  Not exactly the same as lemonade but better!

So.....today my family celebrates the wonderful, perfect, unbelievable miracle of 4 years of sobriety for someone we love. This person remains very active in meetings and sponsors others to assist them on their road to recovery.  My recovering addict told me today that it is hard to remember how bad those days of the past were because today he is living his best life.  

I would NEVER want anyone to go through this pain and agony but I am thankful that I learned lessons that helped me in this life journey.  I became more of my true self.  

And I have been kissing lemons all day.